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I had told my friends about it and they didn’t really take me too seriously because they didn’t see me going through with it. I later decided that I wanted to pursue personal training. I began to lift more and see results, which made me feel great. I saw how positive and happy people were with their trainers both pre- and post-workout. I started to observe other personal trainers’ day-to-day routines and the interactions they had with their clients.
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The gay community had shown me great support and it is where I had felt extreme positivity and no judgment.ĭuring the next year, the friendship I had with my trainer had flourished and he showed me a lot of tips and tricks about the fitness industry that I still utilize today. The attention I received made me feel like I wasn’t alone and had people who cared about me. I decided to get back into acting and modeling. My relationship ended after about a year and I then felt alone again and did not know what I wanted to do with my life. Why had I had such hesitancy to come out? I could not have been more grateful that my family was accepting. My brothers also approached me at separate times to tell me how much they accepted and loved me. He sat us all down and explained how this would not affect our family dynamic and he didn’t want to hear any derogatory words like “fag” “queer” or anything offensive in our household. My father then called a family meeting with my mom, little sister and two older brothers to address the situation. I felt kind of awkward talking to my father about it so I had her go and tell him for me. I was not surprised she handled the situation wonderfully and made me feel incredibly loved and accepted. I then had them leave so I could break the news to my mother. I sat my two best friends down and told them that I was gay and they couldn’t have been more supportive. It wasn’t until my senior year in high school when I decided to come out. We made the daring decision to begin a relationship after about a month of talking and make it official on Facebook so we didn’t have to worry about telling our friends in person.Īt this point, I did not care what anyone thought about me or my sexuality because I had my boyfriend. I had finally come to the realization that I liked guys. We immediately hit it off and I knew everything felt right. I then met a guy through a mutual friend who happened to be gay and then my life changed. When senior year approached, I was completely hopeless and confused. This was time I enjoyed spending with them, but always felt like I wasn’t being myself. I spent so much time with girls that I found myself taking on a lot of their traits. I remember I made a little bet with myself that if I was able to go one day without someone asking if I was gay, then there would be some slight chance that it was just a phase that I would grow out of. Unfortunately, a lot of people viewed the “theater kids” as being too feminine and avoided associating with me because they didn’t want to draw any negative attention to themselves. I found great comfort in pretending to be someone else. Growing up, I was involved in many school plays, and this seemed to be a way for me to express myself. ‘I made a little bet with myself that if I was able to go one day without someone asking if I was gay, then there would be some slight chance that it was just a phase that I would grow out of.’ This was a huge shock to me because these types of guys always seemed to avoid me when I was younger. You actually thought I would care?” I quickly became relieved. Did I just risk losing the only straight friend I ever had? He then said, “Dude that’s awesome. I hope this doesn’t affect the friendship because I am not into you like that and would never do anything to make things awkward.” I nervously started to babble - “I kind of thought you knew that I was gay so I didn’t bother telling you. He then asked if there were any girls in my life. We went to grab lunch one day at a Chipotle, and were chatting about this girl he was interested in. We began to become friends, and I later realized he was the first straight friend I ever had. I became close with the staff and then had one of the personal trainers train me a couple of times. I started off as a front desk associate at a local gym in Union, N.J.
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Despite this, in the summer of 2013 at 19, I discovered a whole new world. I had mostly only been friends with girls growing up and was never particularly athletic, which made it extremely difficult for me to interact with (assumed) straight guys. I felt out of place in the gym, a place where testosterone flows and masculinity echoes through the building. Personal training was always something that intrigued me, but intimidated the crap out of me.